Spiders and Snakes, Oh My!

So, last night, again (some of you may remember this type of post after I moved to NC) there was a huge spider in our porch. He/she must have spun its web in a matter of a few hours because when I was outside earlier, it wasn't there yet. People, I should have taken a picture. This wasn't a simple, symmetrical web. It was a wall of web. It looked OLD. It was a comgloberation. And it was catching tons of bugs. YUCK! And the spider in this web, well, it doesn't surprise me that in a few quick hours it put up this Spider Restaurant. It was big. I also have arachnophobia, so, I know there are larger spiders out there, but this one is big enough for me.

This morning, I look out on the porch for B-I-G, and, HE'S GONE! WEB AND ALL. I kid you not! The whole darn web is GONE! How in the..... You tell me. Have you guys seen this done before? No wind, no rain. This is going to sound stupid, but, do spiders suck their webbing back up? DON'T LAUGH! I just don't know!!

So, the beauty of being able to see the spider in its web is that you know it's not in your HOME. Now, I have no freaking idea where the spider is, which is not COOL.

But, if you haven't heard enough of my whining about the wildlife of NC, HEAR THIS ONE!

We have a tiny backyard. It's a condo. And in the back yard there are a few bushes which are watered by a sprinkler system. The hosing is not buried by dirt, but by pinestraw. Well, we are missing a little pinestraw so the hose is showing. And as I'm looking out the window today, I'm noticing that the hosing is a little bigger and out of place. Yeah, you got it. SNAKE!! Freaking snake, PEOPLE! This snake is probably pushing 5' long and 2 inches thick, black. The only reason I say "pushing" is because I don't want to exaggerate. I'm yelling for Naydine to come look at it. Her and Dane are looking out the window, Dane is laughing. Brat. Naydine is like, "It'll bite me and I will die?". Haha! Yeah, I think I might have said something like that. Why would I do that to my child? I don't know.... I'm stupid.
It slithered off underneath the fence shortly after. But, still. I'm a freak. I don't mind looking out the window at these things. But, Dane likes to venture into the back yard. I tend to fire up the BBQ, which the gas tank is empty right now, so, no need to be BBQing.

The moral of this story is, did the snake eat the spider?

*Sigh* The drama that happens when Eli is out of town.